Facebook Free for April

The title basically says it all...I have decided to, and am currently, giving up Facebook for the month of April. My friend gave up Facebook for Lent, so part of the idea has come from all the positive feedback I received from her.

As I mentioned in my previous blog, Facebook has become an essentially unnecessary connection to people. What I mean is, before Facebook, you were friends with who you wanted to be, and there was nothing electronic to back it up. You would argue with somebody, and either sort it out or not. Ok, so there could be rumours, or backstabbing, but no constant back and forward cryptic statuses or wall messages. These sorts of things were kept private for the most part too, with only those close to you knowing your deepest darkest secrets. Nowadays, everybody knows if you are happy, sad, or going to the toilet.

Anyway, I recently (about 2 months ago), went through a break up, that I have been battling with. I realised that part of the problem was this constant connection to him on Facebook. I mean, yeah, I could hide his news feed, but everywhere I looked (hardly an exaggeration), I would see his profile picture or wall posts. I realised it was unhealthy, because as I mentioned, it's an unnecessary connection that you wouldn't, without Facebook, have had. So I decided to give it up, and deal like we as normal human beings were intended to deal.

Today is nearing the end of day 8, and I am doing ok. I must however, sadly, add, that for the first 4.5 days I was at Splashy Fen, and logging onto Facebook wasnt one of my priorities. However, from Day 5 to 8, I have successfully avoided Facebook. My mom has changed my password, and cancelled any email notifications. And I actually feel liberated.

It has however been hard in terms of seeing photos that friends have tagged of me from Splashy, but then again, I should do the old fashioned thing and get them from them on disc. (As an aside, weird how the 'old-fashioned' thing has become collecting photos on discs as opposed to borrowing the negatives and printing copies). And, I did meet a fair amount of people at Splashy who I would love to add, and keep in contact with. But then again, if we didnt exchange numbers there, what sort of friendship are we going to have? We dont ask for numbers these days though, we ask for surnames! (In cases like these I have asked my friend to add some of our new friends, and then I will add them later - cheating? possibly!)

As a result of this no facebook thing, I have resorted to... wait for it...EMAIL! I have to actually type full, meaningful (well relatively) emails to my friends who arent here. Which I guess, as I think about it, is actually good. Its like post, snail mail, but over the internet (hence the name email i would imagine!). I feel, that Facebook has detracted from real social relationships. Its not even a feeling, its a fact. People dont take the time to sms or call or send a letter (even electronic ones), but instead write on walls. It's even got to the point where some people are too lazy to even comment, so they just click 'like.' And lets be serious, do you really like that some random friend got drunk, or do you really like that your cousins boyfriends sister is really angry cos somebody moved her cheese? Please! Its a lame concept, and I very rarely 'like' anybody's statuses, or my own (yes, some people actually do that).

I was chatting to a friend, and him and I established that Facebook should be used for fun. It should be jovial, and humorous and an altogether enjoyable experience. It should not leave one upset or angry or irritated. I was finding, however, that this is what it was doing for me. It was making me angry or irritated, and I found myself tempted (often following through) to air all my dirty laundry and make it known to the world how I was feeling. I feel this is so unhealthy and psychologically bad.

We all know it's bad, we all know there are better ways, but why do we still do it? Is it some form of evolution that's taking place? That we once were able to deal with issues privately, and keep things to ourselves, and now there is an incessant need to tell random people everything! It completely baffles me. Yet I still sit, during my Facebook Free April, and wonder what is going on with my Facebook friends. I wonder about who has written on my wall, added me as a friend, broken up with who.

I am using Twitter too, which I am finding somewhat satisfying, but I keep wishing that more of my friends used it.. again with the connections thing! And I find myself checking my email, a lot! I wish I could say there were more non-electronic, technological activities that I have been occupying my time with, but it' not true. I got an Ipod on Monday, and have since then been sorting out my music.

I am hoping by the end of April, that I will be less addicted to Facebook, and less desperate to check it as I open my eyes (I check my mail instead these mornings). I am hoping to be less desperate to see what everybody else is up to, and to instead use it as what it was intended - a social networking site, not a social-share all your dirty laundry and get angry - site. Watch this space...

5 Cents Makes a Million

One of my mates mentioned the "5 cents make a million" statement one day, and it got us thinking. We started collecting 5c pieces for the fun of it, and realised it would take us a VERY long time to make a million. I think we calculated that on one particular day we collected 5 coins, therefore 25c, which meant that if all days went in the same direction as that one, we would be collecting 5c pieces for 4 million days. 4 million days works out to be about 11 thousand years. For the average person, a lifespan of this is impossible.

Therefore when thinking about it, I decided to make a purpose for the collection, and hopefully turn it into something. So I have decided to extend this task to everybody. We all just about throw our 5c pieces away with the packets we get our groceries in. So why not save them for a good cause? We need to make this fun too. So I would suggest things like swapping money with car guards or petrol attendants or finding it on the floor. Ideally, we need to get videos or photos of all the fun ways in which people collect. These can be uploaded to the Facebook group, or emailed to me at clairemaher7@gmail.com

Just for Today

Not everybody will necessarily agree with this um, poem thingy, but I find it often helps me get through a rough day/patch. If I read it before I start my day I keep a few of these things in mind, and try and accomplish even just one of them. It helps me focus on things in my life that will boost me, and make me feel good about myself! It helps me to be positive and not dwell on the negative aspects of a situation, whatever it may be. Feel free to post any thoughts :) (PS, the picture is mine...cool hey?)

Just for today I will try to live through this day only & not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that 'Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.'

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is & not try to adjust everything else to my desires. I will take my 'luck' as it comes & fit myself into it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study; I will learn something useful; I will not be a mental loafer; I will read something that requires effort, thought & concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn & not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count; I will do at least two things I don't want to do-just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with anything & not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.

Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry & indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself & relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. I will enjoy that which is beautiful & will believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

AlcoFreeFeb

My friend and I were approached by the 'head' of SADD (South Africans Against Drunk Driving). She asked us if we would assist her in setting up a campaign whereby people give up alcohol for the month of February. AlcoFreeFeb. We were psyched! The thought of being part of making a campaign, and making it work, thrilled us. So naturally we were excited to tell all our friends about it...

"haha, no ways Feb is O-week"

"I'll pay, you know, to support you guys, but I'm not giving up for a month"

"Are these kids crazy. Give up drinking for a month! Why would I want to do that... dont give me the healthy speech either cause I do a shit load more exercise then most"


"Pay money not to drink thats about as crazy as pregnant chicks, no jokes they're crazy"

"Why Feb????? I'll own up in advance and say that i'll probably slip up on Valentines Day and Luke's 21st. sorry :("

"i love my alchohol 2 much!"

Those were just some of the comments we got (in person and via Facebook statuses from friends). So naturally we felt despondent. These comments were all before we even fully launched our campaign. So we decided to speak to our lady in charge, and explain how we felt it may not work, and that maybe we should do March instead (by the way,we were trying to get this off the ground a week before Feb started...ie not much time!). This change of original plans didnt work in our favour, and we found ourselves sending emails til they were coming out of ears, phoning newspapers and things like the SABC (who I never thought I would ever phone!).

Then it got somewhat exciting... we were having photos taken for Newspapers (The Witess, Cape Times, PE Herald, Daily News, Mirror, The Sun), doing radio interviews (k not on ECR or 5FM, but SAFM and some other, haha, random stations). We were being mentioned in people's blogs (Thanks Jamie Who) and people (k only 1 girl at Varsity) were recognising us! It became and has become our claim to fame, and we were psyched again.

We got a better response than we were anticipating (considering the negativity at the beginning), but even though people expressed interest, many didnt sign up, or said they would participate, but then didnt. However, certain people have been such troopers, and amazing support. My dad for example. K, now before you say that dads are meant to support their kids, and they dont count, let me explain. My dad hasnt gone a day without beer since he was about 18 (He is now 51). He doesnt have an alcohol problem in the slightest, and has only been intoxicated a few times that I'm aware of. He enjoys the taste of beer, and it is his drink of choice when many others would choose Fanta to quench their thirst.

My dad, the beer guru, has agreed to give up alcohol and participate in the 10 Day Challenge. When my mom was making tea yesterday (she has also agreed to give up, but it's not as big a feat as my dad giving up), she offered my dad and he accepted. I thought he was feeling ill (I didnt realise he had been serious about giving it up), and then laughed when she asked me to give him his tea. But he is serious...he is giving up alcohol for 10 days, for the first time in about 32 years! If my dad can do it, I think anybody can do it. And this isn't because he is addicted, it's because he is a stubborn Irish man!

Similarly, Jamie - I'm assuming this is his/her name, wrote a blog about us on their Jamie Who blog. Jamie provided a link to our site, and made a donation of R560 (for a month of SpecialBreaks, in case he/she wanted to drink). We dont even know this person, yet they were so taken by our cause and willing to help.

So we've had my dad and family, my friend's family, JamieWho, some people we dont know, teachers and some of our friends participating. It made me wonder though, why our closest friends were so reluctant to join. Is it because they are students, and drinking is part of their day-to-day existence? Were they reluctant to pay the money? Did they not support the cause? And why is it that 'random' people like JamieWho and radio personalities were willing to support it? Is it that hard for students to give up alcohol for even 10 Days? Or even for friends and family to give it up, even if it's just in support of us.

Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I know that I would certainly support somebody I know on a venture like this.

We got information in the information age...but do we know what life is?

My friend has decided to give up Facebook for lent. She cant give up Mxit, or Twitter, cos she doesnt use it, but she has given up Facebook. On the first day she gave up, she told me that she "feels lost without it" and that she has "lost the reason to get up in the morning." I felt at this stage that she was being a bit dramatic, but then I realised that I certainly wouldnt be able to give it up. I've chosen easy things, like chocolate, chips and any cool drinks that arent 'zero' - things that will essentially benefit me health-wise. But Facebook?

It was then that I realised how attached I am to social networking. My cell phone, as many of my friends have mentioned, is like a permanent fixture to my hand. And while it is permanently attached, I am constantly checking Facebook, Twitter, email or going on Mxit. For me, giving up Facebook for lent would be like giving up friends for 40 days and 40 nights... ie, impossible!

But at the same time I find myself wondering how and why has it come to this? I have found myself recently longing for the days when you phoned those you wanted to speak to, and didnt phone those you didnt. None of this accepting friend requests crap from people you barely know, or said 2 words to you at school. None of this going on Mxit but putting your status as "busy" so that you can avoid so and so. You could successfully avoid people without coming across as rude. Yet, I'm still, one could say, hooked on Facebook.

Gone are the days where you phoned or even more recently, smsd a friend to RSVP to a party. These days, everybody gets invited to everybodys party, in every part of the world. And yeah, they ask you to RSVP, but a large number of people (myself included) reply 'Maybe.' How rude? Maybe I'll come to your 21st Party (Yes, people use Facebook to invite guests to their 21st), but maybe I wont, because something better might come up. Then there's the issue of secrecy. Even when trying your hardest to avoid hurting somebody's feelings cos u havent invited them, the next thing, on everybody's News Feed, pops up "Christine Skead and 17 of your friends are attending 'I'm back, one night only' hosted by Joe Soap."

And then BAM, you realise you're not invited. So then what? Do you speak to Joe Soap personally, of course not, you update your status... "Gertrude cant believe this. Do I mean nothing to you?" Which then opens up a whole new can of worms, because after 15 minutes you have 6 comments from various people asking things like "why the anger?" or "what happened?" or some of my favourites (from ppl who dont understand the difference between comments and wall post), "hey how are you? Still living in PMB?" and so the story goes. Do these people really care? Would they phone you up and check on you? Probably not. They're the same as all of us, curious and looking for gossip.

As I type this, wondering why people like Facebook so much, without even thinking, I decide to update my status and ask them... "Claire Maher is writing her blog, and wants to know why people like/dislike Facebook? Please gimme feedback peeps :)" I cannot even successfully answer my own question. Because while I am somewhat infuriated and frustrated with the fact that technology has in fact (let's be serious) taken over the world, I still find myself unable to give it up.

Within our friendship circle we dont go a day or event (regardless of length) without discussing Facebook. Whether it's who broke up with who, or "did you see her status??" or "OMG, Mark deleted me off Facebook, ass" or "why didnt you reply to my 17th wall post?" our conversations always involve Facebook. It's inevitable. What the heck did we speak about before? How did we find out that so and so broke up with so and so, or how did we know that our friends were upset, or angry, or going to the mall to buy shoes? How on earth did we air our dirty laundry, or advertise the elation we felt when being given roses on Valentines day.

We didnt always, and we survived... Why cant we now?

First post...

I was reading a friend's first blog a few minutes ago, and he was mentioning how the first blog always makes the impression. It kinda determines whether people will wanna read more or not.

So with that in mind, I'm quite hesitant to actually start, for fear of making a stuff up of it.

I also am yet to decide the nature of my blog...like i dunno if it's gonna be motivational, inspirational, serious, or humorous stuff. I like to think I am versatile, so I feel I will probably include a little bit of all when I write.

• Perhaps I should make my first blog about education in South Africa at the moment (a topic I can speak for hours on).
• Or perhaps I should make my first blog about my recent break up from my boyfriend who was also my best friend.
• Or perhaps I could talk about a campaign that I am running called AlcoFreeFeb, where I have pledged to give up alcohol for the month of February. (Anybody interested by the way can view our site by clicking here)
• Otherwise I could probably write a blog about how I feel I often take my family for granted. For example, when they are around I dont spend time with them, but when they arent I desperately wish that they were here.
• I could also write somewhat inspirational or motivational pieces. I used to take chapel services at school, and loved finding relevant, modern stories to link with what God wants from us, and wants for our lives.
• I could also write about my friends, and how at the moment I feel like everybody is leaving, even though it's only a few people, and that my best friends are actually still in close proximity.
• Something else I could write about is something about how technology has taken over our lives. As I type this, I have 3 other windows open - email, Facebook and Twitter, and 2 applications - Mxit and Skype. And at the same time I still try to do my University work for tomorrow, and listen to music.

I think that what's important about this whole blog story, is that I am happy with what I write. It's somewhat like an online diary, and with that I think that if I find what I write interesting, therapeutic or relevant, then it will be ok. (By the way, I will probably end up creating separate blogs for the topics I mentioned above...so keep checking!)

Until then

(Um, still waiting to think of a really cool sign off...)